Being Thankful

     I haven't written in a while, a long while, not because there was nothing to say, just not enough time to get it from mind to "paper."  This Thanksgiving season has given me pause to see and understand just how blessed I truly am, and how much change is about to happen.
     As we sat around the table yesterday eating our meal, I realized that next year may very well be the last Thanksgiving and Christmas we have together as we currently are.  Rose will be a senior next year, the next year she will probably be in college.  Yes, she will most likely be home for the holidays, but there is a good chance it will be just as a visit instead of as a resident.
     Sitting on the couch, with Matthew sitting beside me or in my lap, I realized that this would be the last holiday season with a young child in the house.  Matthew will be 10 by this time next year, and there is just something about when they go to two digits.  Sitting in Daddy's lap, and things like that just aren't as cool to a 10 year old as they are a 9 year old.
     Lauren is growing up far too fast, 12 going on 20.  I still love it when we go for walks and she wants to hold my hand.  I think about how blessed I am that my 12 year old daughter still loves me that much.  I just wonder how long before that goes away also.  Like everything else, I know it is coming.
     As I sit here this morning I also realize how blessed I am to have another holiday season.  This year has been filled with many struggles, struggles that we weren't expecting.  Being in the hospital, going blind for a while, and all of the assorted things that come along with things like that have drained me this year.  I have found strength though in knowing that we found a new church home after searching for almost two years, we are healthy now, we have a roof over our heads, and we have food to eat.  As we sat at the table yesterday I asked he kids what they were thankful for.  Each gave their answers, and I was impressed with all of them.  When it came my time I gave my answer, and I will give the same one today.  What am I thankful for?
     I am thankful that even though God has not given me all that I wanted, He has given me all I need.  That is all we can ask for.  God bless you all.

A Real Man of God

     This past Sunday my family went out of town to hear my wife's pastor from her younger years preach.  I had been promising her for a long time we would make the trip, and Sunday we finally got around to going.  We pulled up to the church too late for Sunday School but too early for church, so we sat and talked.  I could tell she was excited to see her former pastor, and I was looking forward to it also.  This was the man that helped to mold my wife into the God fearing woman she is, and was one of the pastors that presided over our wedding many years ago.
     When the time for the worship service to start got near we got out and went inside the church, but a Sunday school class was still going on in the sanctuary, so we went back outside and waited.  A few minutes later the door opened and a gray haired man came out and greeted us.  He started speaking and I realized this was the man we had came to hear.  I didn't recognize him, he had a gray beard and he looked tired.  He recognized my wife immediately, and told us how glad he was to see us.
     We went inside and sat down, then he came up to us again.  He told us how his wife had passed about a year earlier, and how hard it had been for him.  I could see the pain in his face as he spoke.  He went on to greet the members of the church, and we got ready for the service.  The choir sang, then the preacher got up to preach.  He spoke of sin, and of the blood.  He talked about hell.  Not many preachers do that these days.  He said more in probably 20 minutes than a lot of preachers do in an hour.  I never once looked at my watch, I could have listened to him all day.  After the close of the service he asked everyone to sit down, he had something he needed to talk to everyone about.  That's hardly ever a good sign.
     He told the congregation that he was tired.  He doesn't sleep any more.  He had been wrestling with God for months.  He told the church he was sorry, but he had talked to God and God told him it was time for him to resign from being a pastor.  He still wanted to preach, but he just could not pastor any more. He said he needed to be fed for a while.   He asked the church to forgive him, and apologized to my family for doing this while we were there.  There was no need to apologize to anybody.
     As we left the church he told my wife to tell her family that he asked about them and that he loved them.  He told us how much he loved us.  We left there and went our way, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that we were there that day for a reason.
     Pastors like this man are a dying breed.  Go into a lot of churches these days and you won't hear about sin, the cross, or the blood.  You might hear about planting a seed to reap your harvest (the prosperity gospel) or how things used to be (the tradition gospel) or any number of things except the true Word of God.    I am afraid of what kind of preaching my children will hear when they are my age.  I'm chasing rabbits, so back to the point.
     Here's to all of the true pastors that have lived the calling that God gave them, who loved their flocks, who recognized their members even after not seeing them for years, and who held firm to the truth that the gospel of Jesus Christ was to be first and foremost in their ministries.  I believe Clyde Painter is one of these men, and I hope and pray that he finds rest, peace, and a place to be fed.  It was an honor to be able to sit under his preaching one more time.
   

Emptying The Vault

     Time to get some stuff out, cleanse my mind, and just basically reset.  Some things in life I just do not understand.  I am a big boy, and I can handle most anything, but the one thing that can hurt me is when my family is hurting, especially my kids.  Being a Dad is the greatest thing in the world to me, and I cherish each and every moment that I get to do the job of Daddy.  I hurt tremendously when my kids are hurting though.
     My kids are wonderful, and I truly believe that I would be in awe of my children even if I was not their Dad.  My kids love others, love God, and constantly amaze me with the things they accomplish, and the way they love without judgement.  I wish others were that way.
     Unfortunately, many in this world today seem to think that because my kids don't wear the best clothes, don't have the latest gadgets, and their Dad picks them up in a vehicle that is on it's last legs that my children are somehow less than they are.  It hurts when my kids talk about how they get treated different because of stuff like this.  I went through the same thing when I was young, and I know how it hurts.  I would give anything if my kids didn't have to feel the same hurt.
    I know that going through these things made me stronger, but I still want to protect my kids.  I know however that this world is not a very good place right now, and that they have to face the world and stand on their own merits.  I will protect them, but I also let them face the harsh realities of life sometimes.  It's not easy to do.
     Tonight, I found a letter one of my kids had written, and it tore my heart out.  I have had to make some tough decisions lately to protect my family, and the kids aren't old enough to understand.  One in particular feels that they are somehow responsible for the changes that had to be made to shield my family from being ridiculed.  The saddest part is, the only thing my child wanted was not for anything bad to happen to the people that were judging them unfairly, and treating them different, they just wanted everyone to be happy, and "things to be the way they were."
     That's where I have to be the bad guy, and make the changes that are going to hurt in the short term, but that I know will be best in the long run.  It's hard, because the kids can't see things from my perspective.  All I can do is continue to do what I have done before: love my family, teach them to love God and others, and raise them to realize that not having the best in material things does not make them any less of a person than anybody else.  If I do that, I have done my job.
     I am proud of my family, and will defend them as best I can.  If it makes me the bad guy in the eyes of the world, then so be it.  I am Dad, and that is my job.

Politics

     This article is about poilitics, from the Latin Poli, meaning many, and tic meaning blood sucking animal.

     One day I was out walking through the woods with two of my friends, one a die hard Democrat and the other a hard core Republican.  After a while we decided we needed to get back as it was getting late and we were hungry.  Soon we realized we were hopelessly lost.  Not only were we lost, but after walking all day we were extremely hungry.  Luckily, we came across a huge apple tree.
     The Republican said "this is my land, and my apple tree.  I will be glad to let you have some of my apples, all we need to do is for one of you to climb up and shake the apples down."  I asked "who do you guys think should climb the tree?"
     The Republican said "since this is my land, and my tree, I shouldn't have to do it.  I have let you walk my land, and I am offering my tree.  One of you should do it."
     The Democrat said "I would love to climb the tree, but maybe if we sit here long enough the apples will just fall from the tree and we will have something to eat."
     I told the Democrat "let's be fair about this.  It's his tree, and his apples.  I will climb the tree if you will catch the apples when they fall and divide them out."  Everybody agreed, so up the tree I went.  I climbed the tree, and shook with all my might, watching the apples fall to the ground.
     I climbed back down expecting my share.  I looked, and the apples were still sitting on the ground where they had fell.  The Democrat was sitting under a tree watching everything unfold.  I asked him, "why didn't you divide the apples out?"  He replied "the apples are on the ground, bring me one and I will eat it."  the Republican said "wait a minute, these are my apples and I will decide who gets what."
     I figured that I had worked hard, and deserved an apple, so I reached down to pick one up.  The Democrat said "Hey, that's my apple, bring it here and let me eat it."  I said if you want one, get one yourself."
     The Republican said "These are my apples, pick them up, take them all to town and sell them and I will let you have one for every 1,000 you sell."
     This went on for a long time.  I decided I was going to try to make my way out of the woods myself. I asked if either of them were going with me, since nothing was getting accomplished.  The Republican said "I own the land, so I shouldn't have to go."  The Democrat said "it's not my land, so I shouldn't have to go.  When you get out send help back for us"  The Republican said "when you come back, bring $20 as I need to charge you for the damage to my tree."
     I made my way out of the woods and finally found a road.  I walked down the road a little ways and finally found a little store.  The owner was a nice man and seeing my sad state gave me a drink and a sandwich before offering to dive me home.  He asked if I was the only one lost and I told him no, but the others were too far gone to try to rescue.  They later found them starved to death in the middle of a big pile of apples.

Randomosity

     A lot on my mind, haven't posted in a while, so free thought for the first blog in a while.  I can't for the life of me, get below 280 pounds.  It doesn't matter what I eat, or what I do, I cannot break the 280 pound barrier.  I take solace in knowing that I am eating better, and taking somewhat better care of myself though.
     My son started his second season of playing football yesterday.  This year, he gets to play with kids his own age, and close to his own size.  I worried about him last year, as a small 6 year old playing with some good sized 6 and 7 year old's he struggled at first, but thanks to some great coaches who took the time to work with him he started getting the hang of things.  This year, he gets to play in a 7 year old only league, and he isn't as mismatched as far as size.  His first practice, he seemed like he was really enjoying himself, and knew what he was doing.  As always, I was proud of my son.
     My youngest daughter can't decide what she wants to do.  At first, she wanted to play fall softball, but that cost a lot more money than we had to spend.  She then decided to cheer, then to not do anything.  Now she has decided maybe she wants to play soccer again.  The soccer will be a challenge, with me trying to be in two places at once with a football player and a soccer player.  If that's what she decides, I will do my best to make a way.
     My oldest is now a freshman in high school.  She will be in her second year marching with the high school band.  I listen to her practice her clarinet, and am amazed at how much she has improved.  She played soccer for many years, until it started interfering with band, then she gave soccer up.  She was an incredible defensive player, and the one game she got to play forward she scored two goals in a 2-0 win.  Her ability on defense normally kept her on that side of the field though.  Now band is her thing.  She takes after her Daddy with that.  I only hope she can take her musicianship and parlay that into a music scholarship.  Her grades are good, and she can write her own ticket when she gets ready to go to college.
     We have that conversation often, about grades, college, scholarships.  I had the opportunity to go to college, and graduated.  Unfortunately some questionable choices on my part, and being completely burned out when I got out of college led me to waste my opportunity.  I will not let up on reminding her about her ability to change her circumstances, and to do better than her Daddy did.
     I often think about choices I made, and would I change anything.  I am not going to lie, sometimes when I get up to go to work, with bills piling up, I think maybe I would change things if I could.  Then I look at my family, I would not change a thing if it meant any chance of them not being in my life.  I firmly believe that I have been blessed, no matter what the circumstances in my life at any time.  I will take my family over a new house, a new car, or anything like that any day.
     Finally, A friend of mine lost his wife yesterday.  She was 40 years old.  Always, always, always take the time to let the people in your life know just how much you love them every chance you get.  You never know when you will not have that chance again.

Biggest Loser, Again

             It's time once again for the start of the second biggest loser competition.  My goal is to get healthy and to try to once again lose some weight.  Last time I lost close to thirty pounds, this time I am not going to set goals, other than to do my best.  I will  still come clean about my weight as I go.  No more biscuits, no more Krispy Kreme doughnuts, no more ice cream.
     I have put a few pounds back on since the last time, not much, about 10 pounds, but enough that I am going the wrong way.  I don't want to keep going back.  Once again I am going to try to just set my goal to get healthy.
     This has been a life long struggle for me, and one that I will fight for the rest of my life.  I want to be there when my kids are older, see my grandkids one day.  That is what is going to keep me going.  Say a prayer for me, I still have a long way to go.  I can do this though.

Aurora

    I apologize ahead of time for the tone of this post, but  this needs to be said.  Friday morning we all woke up to the news of the shooting in Aurora Colorado.  It seemed surreal, again.  This kind of stuff happens way too often these days.  I was numb.  I got ready and headed in to work.
     To be honest, I had pushed it to the back of my mind, until I came upon a friend who was in tears.  I asked her if she was okay, and she said she had just been reading about the shooting, and that there were a lot of kids in the theater.  I hadn't given that much thought.  That set me off.  All lives are precious, but to me, kids are especially so.  One of the victims was only 6 years old.  How do you shoot a 6 year old girl?  I'm off track already.
     What kind of sick being does these kind of things?  God asks us to forgive, but how can you find forgiveness for actions like these?  I don't know, if my family was the victim of something like this that I could.  That's honesty.  The more information that came out, the worse it became.
     Big man he was, he came in, shot these innocent people, while HE was wearing body armor to protect himself.  Then afterwards, he was found HIDING near his car.  Then the news was reported that this scum had booby trapped his apartment with explosives, somehow fixed it where loud music would start playing so someone would come to investigate, and set off explosions killing even more innocent people.  Sick.
     Of course, the media was soon all on top of things, spending more time talking about gun control and trying to play political games casting blame on whichever political party they were not affiliated with, throwing out innuendo and half truths.  Forget about the tremendous toll this tragedy is taking on families, the Aurora community, and the nation as a whole, we have a political agenda to push.  Early Friday morning, ABC news was speculating that the shooter was a member of the Tea Party, and were pushing that fact on the newscast.  Never mind that they didn't check their facts, and that the Tea Party member was 50 years old and not 24 like the shooter.  Of course, in their retraction, they blamed social media, and members of the public for the misinformation.  The ones that used this tragedy to push political agendas are scum too.
     Now we will be faced with glory hogging lawyers jumping on every news program talking about how the shooter is innocent until proven guilty, misunderstood, and placing the blame for this on everyone else except for the one who did this.  It will be society's fault, the gun lobby's fault, everyone but the scum.  There have already been people on the news as of Saturday night speculating that he may have been sexually abused, and throwing out the insanity card.  Yes, the lawyers that use this to push their agenda and make money are scum also.
     Lastly, we will be faced with hearing for who knows how long about the scum in court, and all of his appeals.  Meanwhile, we will be providing him with medical, dental room and board, on top of probably providing the scum with legal representation. He is safe and secure in his isolated cell. He has also already requested a public defender, which the same people that survived the massacre will pay for with their tax money. I have an idea to curb some of these scum from taking innocent lives.
     If you do something like this, you get a fair trial.  If you can't afford a lawyer yourself, you get legal books. If you can't read, someone will read them to you.  If and when you are found guilty, you will not spend the rest of your life being taken care of by the taxpayers.  You will be put into a room, and be given to the families of the victims to dole out your punishment.  You won't know when they are coming, it could be today, tomorrow, or next week.  Oh yeah, they will be wearing body armor and be heavily armed.  Have a nice day.