My Pilot Light Is Out

     I haven't posted in a while.  Actually, I haven't done much of anything noteworthy in a while.  I have not had any fire for anything in a while.  I don't know why this happens, but it just does some times.  I call it my pilot light going out.
     I have known it was going on for a while now.  I can feel it.  Wednesday somebody else finally noticed.  A friend of mine at work asked me what was wrong.  I asked them what they meant, and they said I wasn't myself lately.  I told them I really didn't know.  I wish I did.  I hate being this way.  When my pilot light is burning, I am excited about things, creative.  Not lately.
     Don't get me wrong.  I still function.  I do my job, and do the things I have to do to get by.  The problem is I am just going through the motions.  That makes things worse, because I can do better.  Maybe it is a mid life crisis.  I am 44 years old now.  The thing that bothers me is I look at my life, and I am reminded of all of the things I could have done, and should have done, but didn't.  When you reach my age, you realize that a lot of your dreams for the future will more than likely be just that, dreams.
     I have a wonderful life, a decent (but not great) job, and a tremendous family.  That in itself should keep the fire burning.  I wake up in the morning though and muddle through the day.  One day seems just like the next.  Even writing this blog tonight is a chore, when it used to be fun.  I'm hoping that by writing it down, something will click, and I will find something to light the fire again.  Unfortunately I keep coming back to where I started, caught in a rut.
     I may wake up this morning with a new outlook, but it hasn't happened in a while.  Maybe some flash of inspiration wil hit me.  Maybe I will find a new goal to kick start me.  I just don't know.  I know it is driving me crazy.  I have asked several of my closest friends for prayer, which is something I never do.  I feel guilty asking people to pray for me, I have already been blessed.  I just need something to get my fire lit again.
     Maybe it all goes back to my being such an interim type of guy.  I have always been just good enough at things, but never really good at anything.  I take that back, I was really good at music way back when, but let that talent dry up.  I don't even have the desire to sing any more, and could not tell you the last time I even thought about playing an instrument.  I don't even feel like writing any more.
     Maybe it has something to do with my not achieving my latest goals.  I have seen my battle with my weight slow down dramatically.  I am still losing, but have gone from losing weight noticeably to losng weight painfully slow.  Maybe it has to do with the fact I had set a goal for myself last year to be doing something other than working in a factory by July 4th this year, and not being even remotely close to doing that.  I just don't know.
     I do know that something has to give.  I cannot keep on going through the motions like I have been.  I have to get that fire burning again.