An Almost Interim Type Of Guy

     Monday was the type of day that sums up the way stuff goes for me most of the time.  I finally got the results of the Reader's Digest Contest, and I was not in the top 10.  What that means is that my story was good enough to be considered for a prize and publication, but not quite good enough.  I take consolation that my story was voted into the top 100 though.
     Yesterday I also published a post titled "1000".  The topic, in case you weren't one of the 10 people that read it, was a celebration of my 1000th view of this blog.  The only problem was that by the end of the day, I only ended up with 991 views.  This was just another in my history of coming up just short of my goals.
     I seem to be the guy that always comes in 2nd place, always good enough to get by, but never good enough to win.  Several times in my life I have been an "interim" choir director, or a runner up in contests, those types of things.  That's not to mention that most every time I try to do anything, it never turns out quite like I meant for it to.  I even ran for city council one time, and ended up with 18 votes.  I am proud to say that the man that beat me ended up going on to be Mayor until he retired.

Cousin Virgil

     Thinking about this could really get a guy down, but the more I thought about it, the less it bothered me.  I may never win, but at least I give it a shot, and am in the running.  That has to count for something.  As I write this, The Andy Griffith Show is playing on my television, the one about Cousin Virgil.  If you are a fan of the show like I am, you know the one I am talking about.  Virgil makes a mess out of everything he does, until the end of the show when Virgil saves the day.  Virgil is given the job of cleaning the jailhouse keys, but in the process destroys the keys, with Otis locked in the cell.  Virgil finally tells Andy that he does good, as long as nobody is watching.  When finally given the chance, with nobody watching, Virgil picks the lock and gets Otis out.
     There are worse things than being the runner up, and I take solace in the fact that I am "good enough" most of the time.  Hopefully this story will finally bring me my 1000th view, better late than never.  I have to take the victories however I can get them.
   

1000

Mi Familia

     This blog entry will probably bring me my 1000th view.  It is flattering to know that 1000 times someone has been intrigued enough to come and read what I have written.  This entry is just going to catch people up on what all has gone on lately.
     First of all, I made the finals of the Reader's Digest short story contest.  I have had several people ask me about it, and am flattered.  The winner is supposed to be announced some time around the first of the year.  I'm not holding my breath about winning the $25,000, or even $2,500, but it sure would be nice.
     Rose is now finished with her first year marching.  All she has left is the Christmas Parade.  The band did awesome this year, all superior ratings, and placing high in each contest they entered.  Rose really enjoyed this year, like I said before, she has found her "thing".  I have to admit, I took a lot of pride in watching her on the field marching.  She came a long way from the beginning of the year.  I noticed a tremendous improvement in her marching, and playing.
     Lauren's soccer team did not have the best year, but she got to play forward and goalie, which she never got to do before.  She didn't score any goals, but came close a couple of times.  The funniest thing was during one game, she had a breakaway and was running down the field with the ball.  I of course screamed at her. "GO LAUREN!!!!"  When I did that she turns and looks at me, losing the ball in the process.  We did however get to go on a few road trips, just the two of us, and spend some quality time together.
     Matthew's football season was interesting.  The team pretty much broke even with their record, and made it to the semi finals in the tournament.  Unfortunately they got matched against the best team in the league, who had not given up a single point all season.  The Bulldogs did score one touchdown, which was the only points that got scored on the Indians this year.  Unfortunately, the Indians scored 8 touchdowns, so Matthews season came to a close.  I noticed a great deal of improvement from him also in his first year.  I give credit to his coaches, who took the time to teach him, be patient with him, and truly seemed to care about him.  Towards the end of the year, some of the coaches would even spend time with him and several other after practice, working with them on basics one on one.
    As for me, I am still addicted to butterscotch, still cry when I am happy, and have not crossed anything of my bucket list. My wife, the lunch lady, is still cooking great food and keeping me well fed.   Lastly, I do appreciate each and every one that comes up to me and tells me that you read my blog......even if you do call me Santa.

To Be(ard) Or Not To Be(ard)

     I have a big decision to make in the next couple of days.  I have on the past few weeks neglected to fully shave, and now have an almost acceptable beard.  I have trimmed every day, but just haven't felt like fully shaving.  Now I have to make the tough decision, to keep the beard, or to shave back o my normal goatee.
     I know this doesn't seem like a big deal, but it involves a lot more than meets the eye.  Whatever I decide to do, I have to take into consideration the "coloring" factor.  Yes, I color my beard.  I don't think that is any big secret, as I let it go several weeks between colorings, and I'm sure most people notice when the salt and pepper turns into total pepper.  Coloring a goatee is easy, and I have gotten quite good at it.  I never have mastered the total beard though.

Hollywood Hogan

     One time before I decided to grow my beard out, and went to color it.  What happened was brutal.  If you ever watched wrestling, and remember "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan you understand.  What I ended up with was a dye job that looked like I was trying to look like a doofus.  I don't dye beards good.  That time I didn't have enough hair on the beard to hold the dye correctly, so basically what I did was dyed my face black.  I shaved the beard, then scrubbed my face for two days.
     I would love to keep the beard, for nothing else but to help keep my face warm.  I don't do cold well, and facial hair helps.  I have to do the dye if I do though, as it is too close to Christmas and I just can't stand the thought of kids running up to me thinking I am Santa Claus with a white beard.  When I was a kid, I used to play Santa during the holidays to make spending money.  That was cool, I had padding and a fake beard.  I don't think my fragile psyche could handle it if I was mistaken for Santa without the fake beard and padding.
     I always go the safe route, and this time will probably not be any different.  I will more than likely shave the beard, keep the goatee, and dye away.   If however I happen to go crazy and try to keep the beard, and dye my face, don't laugh too hard.  And if by some chance I decide to keep the beard and not dye, please don't ask me how Rudolph is doing.

Soul Searching

     Wow, I promise, I have meant to keep up with the blog.  I have thought about it several times, but never did get around to writing anything.  Today I am going to let everybody into my mind for a little bit.  It's not going to be very comfortable for me.
     Anybody that REALLY knows me knows that I have problems.  I'm not talking about major psychological issues, (although I guess they could be), but just normal idiosyncrasies.  I sometimes take these quirks to the extreme.  First off, I like people, I really do, but most of he time I cannot stand being around anybody else.  I guess some people mistake it as me not being friendly, or things along those lines, but that is really not the case.  I am extremely self conscious, and that leaves me feeling awkward in public situations.  I know that sounds weird, but if you aren't this way, there is no way you could understand.  It drives me crazy some times, because  I would love to be out, have friends, and do things normal people do.  I just can't do it most of the time.
     I guess it is, truthfully and painfully, depression.  I hate to say that, because I know of the stigmas that are associated with that term.  Some days I would just rather stay in bed and not face the world than get up and do what I have to do.  Lately, I have been facing these feelings more often than not.  It's not something that I am proud of.  Last week was a perfect example.  We had a dinner at my church, and my family went.  Everything was fine, and I was having a good time, then it hit.  I quietly slid out of the building and went and sat in the car by myself.  I just couldn't take it any more.  It hurts. 
     The hardest part to me is that I never feel like I am good enough, or do good enough in anything I do.  At one point in my life I used that to drive myself.  Now, I mostly let it keep me down.  As hard as it is for me to admit, I have pretty much quit trying at most things.  I go through the motions.  I go to work, do my job, then go home.  My best days are when I can get through the day without being noticed.  I can actually go through some days with barely speaking to another person if I want.  Not a fun way to be.
     I know a lot of people think I am just not friendly, or whatever, and I hate that.  Please just try to understand.  If you are ever around me and I seem like I am in my own little world, I probably am.  Hopefully now that I have gotten this out of the way, I can get back to writing about things that people want to read about.  Now if I can just hit the post button. 

A New Beginning

     I haven't blogged in a while.  Between band, football, and soccer, I just haven't had the time or the energy.  Something happened tonight though that made me decide to bring it back.  I have had several people tell me how much they enjoyed reading, and I felt guilty because I wasn't posting.  I had a few things I thought about talking about, but nothing really hit me as being THAT important lately.  Tonight that changed.
     As I started home from work today, I made my daily call to tell my wife I was on my way home.  The conversation soon turned to my son, who has been having trouble at school.  He had gotten into trouble again, and would have to miss his field trip this week.  The trouble was nothing major, just an impetuous 6 year old that has trouble containing his energy.  I came in the door, talked to my wife to get the full story, then took him into my bedroom for a talk.
     We had already had pretty much the same talk the night before, about having to try really hard to follow directions, and to think about what he was doing before he did it.  He was in tears, as he explained he tried really hard, but could not seem to stay out of trouble.  As we laid there talking, I had to explain to him that the field trip he had been so looking forward to was not going to include him.  The simple fact was that the teachers were afraid that he would lose his concentration and wander off, and the teachers were worried that with all of the kids, they would have trouble watching him and giving him the attention he needed.  I totally understand this, and am thankful that the teachers were honest enough to share their concerns.
    While I was talking, and he was crying, something hit me right between the eyes.  I was being stern with him, but deep within myself I was struggling watching my son as he was struggling with the consequences of his actions.  I was struggling, between wanting to hug him, and comfort him, while at the same time doing what I had to do as his father.  I stopped for a minute, and prayed, telling God of my pain in having to have this talk with my son.  That's when it hit me.
    That is how it is with each of us and our Heavenly Father.  How it must grieve God when we go against what He so clearly tells us to do.  When we do this, He must correct us.  While we are being corrected, God, our Father must also grieve.  It is not out of anger, but out of duty that God must bring us to the correct actions.  At the same time, He also wants to love us, and hold us tight.  This led me to my next revelation.  We have to accept the consequences of our actions, but only to a point. How hard it must have been for God to give HIS Son, as the ultimate payment for OUR transgressions.  
    Hopefully I will be back to blogging again.  It is something I love to do, and something that many people seem to enjoy.  I have a lot to talk about, and several months worth of life while I have been away to talk about.

Why Me Lord

     Today's post comes not from me, but from a friends post on Facebook.  This post was one of the best posts I have read in quite some time.  Like my friend, I sometimes have nights when I cannot sleep, and wrestle with prayer and quiet contemplation with God.  My friend titles his posts "Right From The Desk Of My Heart.  I hope you enjoy this post from Chris.

I'm not quite sure how to begin this post.I suppose by just simply telling the story as it happened...
I had a bit of a restless night last night.Tossing and turning.Not quite being able to get completely comfortable...which is really not out of the ordinary for me.But ,as I found myself drifting in and out,in the waking hours,I had a very heavy thought about my life.The opportunities that I have had.Those that I have made good on as well as those that I haven't done so well with and a recurring question seemed to haunt me out of what little sleep was available.
They say that music is an expression of the soul,so it comes as no surprise that the question that was keeping me awake was in the form of an old tune entitled "Why Me,Lord?" I would like to be naive enough to think that every opportunity that I have ever had were the one's in which I had made good on,but as I began to look through the scope of time,sadly enough,many more were the opportunities that I never acted upon or either made a horrific jumble of.
In the middle of that,just out of the darkness in my bedroom,the question,"why me ,Lord? " popped into my train of thought.You may ask,"well,how does this tie into good or bad opportunities?" Because of a fact that is so simple that even children can understand...let me give you the lyrics.As you read them,think about those opportunities in your own lives,good or bad and allow it to make sense and I will close this note with my thoughts as I feel it applied to me...

Why me,Lord? What have I ever done,to deserve even one of the pleasures I've known? Tell me,Lord...What did I ever do,that was worth loving you or the kindness you've shown?

Lord help me Jesus,I've wasted it! So help me,Jesus,I know what I am...and now that I know that I have needed you so help me,Jesus,my soul's in your hands.

Try me,Lord.If you think there's a way.I can try to repay all I've taken from you.Maybe Lord,I can show someone else.What I've been through myself,on my way back to you.

As I thought long and hard about this tune and opportunities,the only conceivable answer as to "why me,Lord" became very clear.Why do you still allow me to have opportunity when I've not handled most in the manner as I should have? Why me,Lord when the ones that I have made good with were mediocre at best? The answer...because of love.
The love of God for humanity is the greatest love that has ever been known...and until we come to the understanding that what we do has to reflect that type of love,our opportunities will be mediocre at best. The best way to even try to repay the kindnesses shown to us is to love one another with a pure heart.So,as morning broke,I gained a new understanding of "why" we are given more opportunities than we deserve.
God's word states,"herein is love,not that we loved him,but rather that he first loved us." Right from the desk of my heart. :)

More Random Ramblings

     I checked my Facebook tonight when I got home from football practice with my son.  Of course this was after I ate the homemade pizza my wife, the lunch lady, had made for me.  Lots of stuff going on, and lots of stuff on my mind.
     Today (Tuesday) Braden Martin would have been 4 years old.  Braden and his brother Brad were both killed in a car accident on April 5, 2010.  I remember what I was doing, and where I was standing when I heard the news.  Their brother, Bran, and their Father and Mother Gene and Becky survived the accident.  Bran almost didn't, and his recovery is nothing short of a miracle.  I hope that I can bring you their story here on this site soon.  These are great people, whom I love dearly.
     Another friend of mine lost his grandmother yesterday at 100 years of age.  Living to 100 is not something that many people accomplish.  I read the things that were written about her, and she left a great testimony from her life.  That is something that we should all hope for, that when we pass on, even though their are tears, there will be the hope that it is not the end, but only a beginning.  My prayers are with this family also.
      My uncle, Oscar A (Bud) Fletcher would have been 87 years old yesterday.  He was a character.  I remember very little about him, but I do remember being in awe of him.  He was an old Navy man.  I have learned a lot more about him lately.  Being in the Navy, he got to see the world.  Thanks to Facebook I have reconnected with some of his children, my cousins.  I will probably talk more about him one day.
     Lastly, I had another dream of my Dad Saturday night.  In a lot of ways I look forward to these dreams, because they are so vivid, and I feel like I have gotten to spend time with him.  The one I have most often does hurt though, because I often dream that he is not really gone.  While it is comforting, and exciting while I am asleep, it hurts tremendously when I wake up.  This time was different.  The latest dream my Dad was not as I always knew him, but was of him as he was when he was young.  My dad was strong and healthy. and young.  This is the way I know he will be the next time I see him.  Maybe that is one of the reasons death doesn't get me like it used to.  I know that there are better things ahead.  This life is hard, but it is only temporary.
     Once again I guess I have rambled my way to a topic.  I truly feel sorry for people that don't have a personal relationship with Jesus, especially when it comes to losing loved ones.  I just don't see how they can handle it.  Losing a loved one is hard even for Christians, but at least their is that assurance that the separation is not permanent.  It is only temporary.     The little time that the separation is there is no comparison to the eternity together in the end.  I try not to use this as a forum to push my faith too much, but instead use it to show a dad's life from a christian perspective.  I will however sometimes ask these questions.....if you were to die tonight, do you know where you will spend eternity?  If you were to die tonight, have you lived a life that those you leave behind will have a hope of seeing you again?  I hope the answer to both of these was yes.