Why Me Lord

     Today's post comes not from me, but from a friends post on Facebook.  This post was one of the best posts I have read in quite some time.  Like my friend, I sometimes have nights when I cannot sleep, and wrestle with prayer and quiet contemplation with God.  My friend titles his posts "Right From The Desk Of My Heart.  I hope you enjoy this post from Chris.

I'm not quite sure how to begin this post.I suppose by just simply telling the story as it happened...
I had a bit of a restless night last night.Tossing and turning.Not quite being able to get completely comfortable...which is really not out of the ordinary for me.But ,as I found myself drifting in and out,in the waking hours,I had a very heavy thought about my life.The opportunities that I have had.Those that I have made good on as well as those that I haven't done so well with and a recurring question seemed to haunt me out of what little sleep was available.
They say that music is an expression of the soul,so it comes as no surprise that the question that was keeping me awake was in the form of an old tune entitled "Why Me,Lord?" I would like to be naive enough to think that every opportunity that I have ever had were the one's in which I had made good on,but as I began to look through the scope of time,sadly enough,many more were the opportunities that I never acted upon or either made a horrific jumble of.
In the middle of that,just out of the darkness in my bedroom,the question,"why me ,Lord? " popped into my train of thought.You may ask,"well,how does this tie into good or bad opportunities?" Because of a fact that is so simple that even children can understand...let me give you the lyrics.As you read them,think about those opportunities in your own lives,good or bad and allow it to make sense and I will close this note with my thoughts as I feel it applied to me...

Why me,Lord? What have I ever done,to deserve even one of the pleasures I've known? Tell me,Lord...What did I ever do,that was worth loving you or the kindness you've shown?

Lord help me Jesus,I've wasted it! So help me,Jesus,I know what I am...and now that I know that I have needed you so help me,Jesus,my soul's in your hands.

Try me,Lord.If you think there's a way.I can try to repay all I've taken from you.Maybe Lord,I can show someone else.What I've been through myself,on my way back to you.

As I thought long and hard about this tune and opportunities,the only conceivable answer as to "why me,Lord" became very clear.Why do you still allow me to have opportunity when I've not handled most in the manner as I should have? Why me,Lord when the ones that I have made good with were mediocre at best? The answer...because of love.
The love of God for humanity is the greatest love that has ever been known...and until we come to the understanding that what we do has to reflect that type of love,our opportunities will be mediocre at best. The best way to even try to repay the kindnesses shown to us is to love one another with a pure heart.So,as morning broke,I gained a new understanding of "why" we are given more opportunities than we deserve.
God's word states,"herein is love,not that we loved him,but rather that he first loved us." Right from the desk of my heart. :)

More Random Ramblings

     I checked my Facebook tonight when I got home from football practice with my son.  Of course this was after I ate the homemade pizza my wife, the lunch lady, had made for me.  Lots of stuff going on, and lots of stuff on my mind.
     Today (Tuesday) Braden Martin would have been 4 years old.  Braden and his brother Brad were both killed in a car accident on April 5, 2010.  I remember what I was doing, and where I was standing when I heard the news.  Their brother, Bran, and their Father and Mother Gene and Becky survived the accident.  Bran almost didn't, and his recovery is nothing short of a miracle.  I hope that I can bring you their story here on this site soon.  These are great people, whom I love dearly.
     Another friend of mine lost his grandmother yesterday at 100 years of age.  Living to 100 is not something that many people accomplish.  I read the things that were written about her, and she left a great testimony from her life.  That is something that we should all hope for, that when we pass on, even though their are tears, there will be the hope that it is not the end, but only a beginning.  My prayers are with this family also.
      My uncle, Oscar A (Bud) Fletcher would have been 87 years old yesterday.  He was a character.  I remember very little about him, but I do remember being in awe of him.  He was an old Navy man.  I have learned a lot more about him lately.  Being in the Navy, he got to see the world.  Thanks to Facebook I have reconnected with some of his children, my cousins.  I will probably talk more about him one day.
     Lastly, I had another dream of my Dad Saturday night.  In a lot of ways I look forward to these dreams, because they are so vivid, and I feel like I have gotten to spend time with him.  The one I have most often does hurt though, because I often dream that he is not really gone.  While it is comforting, and exciting while I am asleep, it hurts tremendously when I wake up.  This time was different.  The latest dream my Dad was not as I always knew him, but was of him as he was when he was young.  My dad was strong and healthy. and young.  This is the way I know he will be the next time I see him.  Maybe that is one of the reasons death doesn't get me like it used to.  I know that there are better things ahead.  This life is hard, but it is only temporary.
     Once again I guess I have rambled my way to a topic.  I truly feel sorry for people that don't have a personal relationship with Jesus, especially when it comes to losing loved ones.  I just don't see how they can handle it.  Losing a loved one is hard even for Christians, but at least their is that assurance that the separation is not permanent.  It is only temporary.     The little time that the separation is there is no comparison to the eternity together in the end.  I try not to use this as a forum to push my faith too much, but instead use it to show a dad's life from a christian perspective.  I will however sometimes ask these questions.....if you were to die tonight, do you know where you will spend eternity?  If you were to die tonight, have you lived a life that those you leave behind will have a hope of seeing you again?  I hope the answer to both of these was yes. 
 

Part Two

     That was my Saturday.  The band did awesome, straight Superior scores with high placements in their class.  Sunday was church, then a long nap at home before returning to church again.  These are not the things that have dragged me down though.
     Just recently a friend of mine got some bad news.  He was having trouble breathing, so he went to the doctor to get some allergy medicine. Something got the doctors attention, so they drew blood.  Soon they called my friend and sent him for x-rays.  It was then they found the tumor.  He has a tumor about the size of a fist between his sternum and his esophagus.  They are pretty sure it is cancer.  My friend just turned 36.
     When he went to have more tests done, they also found another tumor under his arm.  This one was smaller, and may turn out to be a blessing in some ways.  They removed this tumor, and are testing it now.  After they figure out just what is going on, they will decide what to do about the big one.  My friend is waiting on the results.  Like I said, my friend just turned 36 years old yesterday.  That's just not right.
     I also have been concerned about another friend that I worked with years ago, but have great admiration for.  He has severe liver problems and is waiting on a transplant.  This one has given me a crisis of faith as I call it, how do I pray in this situation?  I know to pray for God's will, that part is easy, and to lift up my friend.  The hard part is that I can't, in my heart, in sincerity pray for a liver for my friend.  Now I know that sounds cruel, but how can I pray for another person to die, so my friend can live?  I just can't do that. These are the type of things I struggle with. 
     Finally, I have another dear friend that is going through what I call a "Job experience" right now.  Most all of us go through them some times.  Most people call it going through a storm.  My friend is like me, living paycheck to paycheck.  His daughter and my daughter are good friends, and I have known his family for years.  Anyway, he was on his way back from the band competition, when a transfer truck in front of him lost it's dive shaft.  When he ran over it, he blew out two tires and busted a rim.  Luckily, he had left before the band, and the bus picked him and his wife up and brought them home.
     He got his car home Sunday, and used his house payment to buy a tire.  This was bad enough, until Tuesday.  His wife got to work and went in.  She hadn't been at work but for about 10 minutes when someone came in and said a car had exploded.  It was hers. My friend had to take half of a day off of work to deal with this now, which I'm sure was the last thing he needed. 
     Wednesday morning I went to talk to my friend when I got to work, as has become a custom.  I could see that things were starting to get to him.  He is like me, he doesn't show it, so I became concerned.  Soon I found out that with all that was going on, my friend had left home without his lunch box.  This was no big deal, I get free lunch cards for our cafeteria all of the time which I normally give away anyway.  I pulled one out and gave it to him.  Thursday morning he shared some more struggles with me. 
     All of this, along with the death of a dear saint in my church, and other friends that are struggling with issues have honestly just made it hard for me to do the blog this week.  I have found my time better used in prayer and with family.  I really don't think the four or five regular readers of mine have lost sleep because I didn't blog daily.  I really do try to do this 5 days a week, but don't get paid and do have a busy life.  Let me change that, I have made $1.12 off of this blog in the 2 or 3 months I have done it.  I haven't even seen that money though as you don't get paid until you have $100.  I really enjoy doing this, but only want to do it when I really have something to say.

My Adventure

     I haven't posted since last week.  It has been a crazy week, and honestly I haven't had the time or the energy to do the blog this week.  Let me catch you up to speed.
     First, Saturday was my oldest daughters first marching contest.  Being a former band member, this was a big deal to me.  She was scheduled to go on at 3:20 in Jasper Georgia.  The only problem was my son had a football game in Lafayette at 11:00.  No big deal, I had plenty of time.  That's what I thought anyway.
     I left the house around 9:30 Saturday morning, dropped my wife and daughter off at the school to ride the bus, and took off for Lafayette.  We got to the game, parked, and went in.  As is the norm for a 6-7 year old football game, the game was dragging, and  started a few minutes late due to the flag football game running over.  Still, I thought I was in good shape.  That's when things went south.
     Late in the second quarter a kid on my sons team went down with a serious injury.  Before I go any further I will tell you the kid was injured, but is fine now other than his arm in a sling.  Anyway, there was a 40 minute wait on an ambulance to get to the stadium and take the kid to the hospital.  Soon I realized that instead of being on the road by a few minutes after 12:00, it was going to be closer to 1:00.  I was still thinking that the trip was 90 minutes or so, and I would be in good shape.
    When the game ended I called to one of the coaches, who handed my son over the fence to me.  I put him on my shoulders and took off for the car.  When we got in I handed him his clothes to change, and off we went.  I was making good time, until I got to Calhoun.  It was in Calhoun that I lost my highway.  Highway 136 was the directions I had, and I could not find the highway anywhere.  I stopped and asked for directions.
     Hwy 53 would take me straight into Jasper I was told.  I knew that I would eventually, using my directions, end up on 53, and i am fairly familiar with this road, so off I went again.  All was fine until I reached Jasper.  I came to an intersection where there were signs saying 53 East, 53 West, 53 commercial, and 53 Business.  I had no clue which one to take.  I stopped again to ask for directions.
     By now it was closing in on 2:45, but I was in town.  Surely someone would tell me i was close.  The lady I asked was nice, but didn't seem to have much more of an idea than I did.  Finally she told me to go down the road about a quarter of a mile and turn right at the Sheriffs office.  I did as she said and was still confident I was going to make it, until the road turned into dirt.  I saw a young man coming in a truck, and asked him if I was going the right way.  Of course I wasn't.
     I was on the phone with my wife while this was going on, and the young man was trying to give me directions.  I told her I wasn't going to make it, as it was already 3:00.  The kid heard me, and asked me why I was trying to get there.  I explained my situation to him, and he said to follow him, he would take me to the school.  He had to be an angel, as he led me directly to the school.  I pulled into the parking lot at 3:15, grabbed my son, and ran to the stadium.  I made it in as the band was starting to come on to the field.
                                Part Two Tomorrow.

Thursday Funnies

     This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.
      He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.
      George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."
      Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

     A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
      When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10."  Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
     Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked." 

Onions and Allergies

     My post about my Dad yesterday had more hits than any other post I have ever done.  I had 50 visitors to my blog to read what I wrote.  I am humbled.  I wish I could say that I have a great follow up, something to wow those people that came to read that piece.  Unfortunately I don't.
     I can tell you that I did find out a very valuable lesson last night.  I found out that when you have allergies, and they are bothering your eyes, that is not the greatest time to try to cut onions.  I started having a little trouble with my eyes watering and burning yesterday afternoon.  I didn't think much of it.  I went to watch my son practice football and things seemed to be better.  After we came home, and I ate a wonderful steak my wife had waiting on me, I decided to go ahead and cut a couple of onions for a benefit lunch at work. 
     My wife, as she normally does when it comes to food, asked me if I wanted her to do it.  I, being a man, said no, I had it under control.  I got out my onions, and my huge knife.  I had visions of Food Network on my mind, sure that my wife and kids would be impressed with my slicing and dicing skills. It didn't take long before I realized that I was struggling.  It also didn't take my wife long.  "Why don't you come over to the table and do that, you'll have more room?"  I moved from the counter to the table and continued with my quest.  "Why don't you use the chopper" she asked.
     By now I could see that I was losing, but wouldn't dare admit it.  As soon as she walked out of the room, I got up to get the chopper.  Of course, being a man, I had no idea where it was.  "Honey, where is the chopper?"  After she told me where it was, and then came back in the kitchen to show me where it was, I was on my way.
     The first half of the first onion went fine.  Soon thought the fumes from the onion caught up to me, and I found myself standing in the kitchen unable to open my eyes.  The allergies and the onions had made my eyes feel as though there were flaming pins in them.  I stumbled blindly into the bedroom and flopped onto the bed.  As I lay there writhing in agony my wife asked me if I was finished.  Bravely I said no, I was taking a break.  I'm sure the painful groans gave me away, along with the fact I was stumbling blind when I came in, but she said nothing.  After a while I recovered enough to go back and finish, but not before blinding my self again.
     It was about that time that my wife said those magic words.  "Honey, you're tired, why don't you go lay down and rest."  Now, that doesn't sound like much, but I know what she really means when she says that is Honey you are tired, and you are making things worse.  You have made a valiant effort and failed miserably, but I love you and don't want to embarrass you.  I stumbled through the house, told my family good night, then went to bed.  That's why I don't have a great follow up.  Blame it on the onions. I hope ya'll forgive me.

Daddy

My Dad as a Young'un

     Some stuff happened today that got me to thinking about my Dad.  I loved my Dad more than anything in this world, but our relationship wasn't always the greatest in the world.  Some of it had to do with the fact that we were so much alike.  The older I am getting though, and the more I am experiencing life, the more I realize I just didn't cut him enough slack.  I'm finding that out the hard way.
     One of the biggest problems my Dad and I had was when I was in high school and college.  I would get angry at my dad, when he didn't come to watch me play in the band, come to concerts, or other activities that I was involved in.  I didn't understand everything back then that I do now.  I wish I had.  I could have had more time with him.
     I always thought that my Dad just didn't care enough about me to be bothered with watching me.  Lately I have come to understand that there are other things that probably factored into it.  When my Dad would come to watch me in a ball game, he would stand at the fence and not come in.  I took it as an insult.  When I graduated college my Dad wasn't there.  I didn't speak to him, unless I had to, for several years after.  For a long time I didn't call him Daddy, just Jerry.  I can't imagine how much hurt that must have caused him.
     As I have gotten older, and have kids of my own, I see just how wrong I was.  It came to a head with me today.  I am obsesive about being with my kids whenever I possibly can whenever they are doing anything.  Friday night, my oldest daughter will be traveling to march at a football game that I could be at if I really hustled.  The more I tried to figure out how I was going to do it, the more I realized that I couldn't.  It had nothing to do with time this time, just the fact that between gas money, ticket to the game, food, etc, that I just could not afford to do it.  The mortgage, gas for work, power bill, etc. had to take precedence.
     I probably could have pulled it off is my son didn't have a football game Saturday morning, and My daughter didn't have a band contest Saturday afternoon.  These are things I feel like I have to be there for.  Then it hit me, how many times did my Dad wish he could be in the stadium for me, but didn't so that he could make sure I had the material things I needed?  My Dad worked a lot, and I never went without anything I truly needed.
     I found out after my college graduation that my Dad had indeed came to it, but it had rained and the graduation was moved from the college to a local high school gym.  My Dad had given up his ticket so that others in my family could be there.  I was wrong.
     I struggle sometimes with the fact that I could probably get a job that pays better than what I have now, but it would come at a price.  The hours would be different, and I would miss out on so many things in my kids lives.  It is a hard choice to make.  I hope that as my kids get older, the fact that I was there for them as much as I possibly could be outweigh the fact that they missed out on a lot of material things.
    I also hope that my Dad, who I know is in Heaven looking down on me, knows how much I loved him.  Our relationship before he died was great, and we had many good years before he passed.  I just wish I could have some of the time we missed because we were both so stubborn back.